Cousins:
Fangying
Hui Ying
Zen A.K.A Ziyan
Lying
Friends:
Mikhail
Michael
Jun Hao
Ariff
Ashraff Ali
Kiven
Saifula
Wei Jie
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Indelible memories
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, particularly about school and academic life. It has definitely a very stressful, tiring and endless road...not to mention bumpy and unsettled. I have probably lost a few days of my life and having the possibilty of having heart or mentally related illness, or even cancer, not to mention the many days I've wasted procratinating due to it. My definition of procrastination is not doing anything productive in a period of time. I not only could not bring myself to study or even just doing my homework, but I didnt enjoy myself either, like playing computer or watching TV, probably because I would feel too guilty that I was doing something else instead of what I was supposed to do.
The many occassions that I have been brought to the lowest and most difficult time of my life was due to overstress when I could not bring myself not only to study, do my homework but even play and enjoy. The extra stress from other factors such as friends, competition, reputation, etc. did not help at all. I have not been able to muster enough courage to face it, and always pretended nothing happened, especially when I took my stress out on my family which I deeply regret. People always think I'm the happy-go-lucky, no worries type of person, or the type whom studies a lot without fret. I seriously wished I could be what they thought of me, but sadly that is not the case. Ashraff probably already knew I was under some kind of pressure considering the many times I've skipped school within the last few years in SJI. The school has been very kind and not giving too much homework either, as compared to other schools. But its not the amount of work that really mattered. Actually I'm unclear of what is the cause.
I have been observing people recently, specifically from character to character and even more so, from status to status in society. It has been quite interesting analysing how people from different backgrounds differ (not that I wish to go into pyscology). From the rich to poor, how their children behave and survive in society. Some are brighter, sharper, some probably slower. Some smart but lazy, others slower but motivated. I do not know why but I like to convince myself that I'm just smart but lazy, but I didnt even give a thought I could be actually stupid. I cannot say that I'm totally lazy, but my stress and procrastination is sufficient to replace it. Simply or technically I just havent been studying much the past 2 years the past two years although I must admit I have always intended to many times, but failed anyway. Of course what got me through eventually was not because I was clever, but because of my last minute stuggles, which was detrimental to not only my understanding of the subjects, but also to my health. I became a much more unhappy person, not in front of my my friends or in school but inside me.
Although I try my best to avoid it, whenever I hear Ashraff talking about intelligence about everone, I cant help but join in. We enjoy trying to convince ourselves that we are smart, and just lazy, or probably it was just my foolish idealogy. Anyway, this is my current academic ails. I've been discussing with my parents about life not only now but also in the future. Academic and career life. We cant hide the fact that everybody wants to have a high status in society, a good reputation, be rich, and powerful, something that humans cannot escape since medieval times. It is just the extent from individual to individual that really differs. I mean after all, what are students studying so hard for? Isnt it to be successful in the future, carreer-wise? I must add that we do not need to do extremely well in order to have the basic necessities in life. However, doing well not only ensures that we have them but more. More is definitely necessary in our first world society, theoretically.
Just some personal thoughts to express and ponder about.
PS. Dont worry, Im not 'pms'ing or going into an emotional breakdown. So please dont harbour any weird ideas. Beneficial and useful comments are much appreciated. :)
Zhi Hao is close behind at 10:59 AM